Lucky Me

I've heard some incredible ideas about what people are going to do when they win the lottery. They say that morale is low these days but I find it comforting to know that everyone I've met is eventually going to win. They're all making plans but I fear that I may be doomed. You see, I am not all that confident in my lotto luck. I've heard that your odds of getting struck by lightning are greater by five times. If I don't win, the alternative is a lot of burnt hair. Buying a ticket puts you on a fast track to a hot head and where does that lightning exit? If you're sitting down with your feet up all relaxed when you get hit, then the juice would have to leave through your, I don't even want to think about it.

"When I win, the first thing I'm going to do is get an unlisted number."
I believe a 900 number is more appropriate. If people want to talk to you, they have to pay.
"I'm going to quit my job."
I don't think you really need to quit your job. I know he or she is an idiot, but after seeing the news and getting a 900 number when they call after you haven't shown up for a month, even YOUR boss will figure out you're not coming back..
"I'm getting a new car."
Don't lie to yourself, be realistic. I won the lottery! I'm getting several new cars is more appropriate.
"I'm going to get a tax attorney."
This one isn't bad. I heard about a guy who won a hundred million. When Uncle Sam got done with him he only had 77 left. How in hell the government expects you to eat with only 77 million is beyond me, the bastards. Actually they're not all bastards, just the ones that aren't in my party. But the point is, a guy just can't escape ordering from the dollar menu.

In reality, the odds of winning are like a kajillion to one. My wife came home the other day telling of taking care of some poor soul that had been hit by lightning twice. She didn't understand my smile, but I couldn't help thinking, I'm that much closer.


Driving tip:  Look out the window.... Between Three Forks and Bozeman Montana there will be 35 plus cars in the median, or ditch, on any given snow day. Those people all know they have to drive 83 miles an hour to get to work on time if they leave at 16 minutes to eight. They never know it snowed till 16.5 minutes till eight, when they walk out the door. They're an optimistic bunch, "It snowed but I can probably still make it, no way I'm going to wreck." On your way to shower, look outside. If it snowed, scrub a little quicker.