Life

Here is the deal, if you are just starting out and decide that you might want children there are some things you should know that will absolutely make the rearing process go more smoothly. I didn't say smoothly, I said more smoothly. Sort of like if you fall off a hundred foot cliff, hit a tree halfway down and land on a big rock at the bottom. If you somehow got some advice and avoided hitting that tree, the fall would have happened more smoothly. Not that raising children should be compared to falling off a cliff. No parent would make that analogy. It's more like when you're on a strange country road. You get a little confused about direction and maybe veer off a sharp corner and careen wildly down toward the valley floor for twenty years or so. It's more like that.

Step one: The pregnancy...Girls like being pregnant. Oh, they may throw up some (the word some, in this context, means-constantly for one to seven months), gain a few pounds, get some stretch marks, retain water, not be able to tie their shoes, or walk, or put on clothes without help, or sit, or sleep, or eat, or poop, or play football (The little parasite has gobbled all their calcium and the bones tend to get a little brittle). I won't go into heartburn because I don't have the room or time to discuss that adequately, but they like it. Their back might hurt a little but, what ever you do, don't say, "At least you're not having menstrual cramps any more." Be supportive. Remember when you were first dating and, after too many alcoholic beverages, you would hold her hair while she puked? Be like that.

Boys tend to not understand the pregnancy phase. Girls know this and, no matter how hard you try to pretend you do, they will say mean things to you during delivery...Let it go.

Step two: The miracle of birth...Girls need no advice here, they understand completely.

For boys, they get to watch their wife go through nine months of absolute torture culminating in the most horrific thing a man has ever seen. They lie there and undergo bouts of excruciating pain which intensify and lengthen as the intervals of respite get shorter and shorter. A fella is first awed at how someone, whose body has to be nearly spent after undergoing the previous months of pregnancy, has the capacity to endure. Then the delivery itself. I have designated this site as not for adults only, so can't go into the exact detail, but if a guy went through that he would need years of counseling and they would have some acronym for it like PTSD, (Pregnancy Triggered Inability To Function as a Human any Longer) People would look at him with pity, shake their heads, and say things like, "His trauma was so severe the letters in his acronym don't even fit the medical term for his disorder."

The miracle comes when he, after watching his beloved go through the experience, sees her instantly recover completely and actually radiate light when the baby is placed on her belly for the first time.

Having and rearing children is a complicated process, one that might require another post to cover it adequately.

Driving tip:  It is your, as a driver, prerogative to trust other people. When backing up, if you let someone else tell you when to stop, they will always yell stop very abruptly and loud immediately after you feel a jolt and hear a bang. That is one absolute you can count on (If you decide to trust other people).