Adonis

My oldest son holds the sit up record at his junior high, my second oldest holds the sit up record at his high school. Our society longs to be physically fit, we all wish for the perfect body and a healthy life. Carol asked me how many push ups I could still do, I guessed around a hundred. I'm not sure she believed me but I know of a small loophole that allowed me to answer her truthfully. You see, she didn't mention a time frame. I figure I still have thirty or forty years left and given a diligent regimen I truly think I could knock out a hundred push ups in that parameter.

The fact is I still have a perfect body. Not wanting to be faced with a constant mob of women lusting after my obvious physical prowess I keep it hidden under several layers of outward disguise. My desire is to not be too heavy but not too slight either. I am actually quite close to achieving what you would call a target weight. Most targets weigh a little more than a Safeway but generally, less than a Wal Mart.

We all assume that lifestyles and appearances tend to change as we mature. I was a fairly robust baby, mostly enjoyed lounging around expecting someone else to tend to my needs and generally didn't give a lot of effort to my physical well being. I believe that I am living proof that sometimes our traditional outlook couldn't be more wrong. Through my scientific research and diligent observations I can testify that: While in your teens and young adulthood you might be considered thin that might change as you become older. I am living proof that  lifestyles and appearances tend to stay exactly the same as we mature.

After my last physical the doctor gave me a clean bill of health. My numbers were all perfect. My wife, taking into consideration my lack of any desire to exercise combined with a diet of burgers, fries, and nachos, commented that the physician must be a quack. I, on the other hand, saw opportunity in his findings. There are countless books and programs costing upwards of a hundred dollars to guide someone to "work your way to a healthier you." I figure if you give me like fifty bucks or something, I could give you my doctor's name. Pretty cool concept, right? Kind of like putting up a 99 cent store across the street from a dollar store. Who wouldn't take advantage of that? Maybe I'll write a book, "Achieving your target weight for fifty bucks and no work." Good advice is to take lemons and make lemonade. Great advice is to take lemons and some meringue and make a pie.

Driving tip: Loose sand or soft dirt acts a lot like snow if it gets ahold of one of your tires. Snow has one purpose in life; to drag your car kicking and screaming into the trees. If you forget that you're driving for a second (apparently lots of things are more important than paying attention when you are going sixty miles an hour plus) and drop one tire off the pavement do not try to jerk it back on the road while mashing on the gas because your big, bad vehicle is tougher than dirt. You will lose that contest. A soft shoulder doesn't care what you do with your steering wheel, if you have momentum it will drag you further and further from the highway. Get a good grip on the wheel and slow down, be real serious about the slowing down part. Once you have backed off, try coaxing the thing back toward the pavement. If you get stuck someone will have to pull you out. If you stay on the gas and wind up in the trees or on your top someone will have to pull you out and you'll need new paint.