Random Thoughts

If your wife says, "Do you think this dress makes me look fat?" just say no. Don't ever follow it up with, "I think it was the pizza." For some reason girls just don't think that's funny. They do think it's funny to call their friends in to see what you look like after you've been swimming in ice cold water. Girls are weird.

When your eleven year old asks, "Do you think existentialists are really hedonistic?" Don't panic, just ask if he's cleaned his room. You know he'll never get that done. The upside is, you won't have to go look up what those terms mean and then try to have what he might perceive as an intelligent conversation.

Your nine year old daughter comes home crying and says that Mary Jo's big brother slapped her. You can go talk to Mary Jo's dad but don't go punch out Mary Jo just to show her big brother how it feels. I know you can probably take Mary Jo but, trust me on this one, just talk to the dad.

If your wife says some stranger is washing your bedroom windows at eleven o'clock at night you should go have a talk with that guy. Don't tell your wife you will let her friends see you after swimming if she wouldn't mind getting ready for bed in the rest of the rooms that still have dirty windows. Girls tend to not be too practical about things like that.

Next time you find yourself chopping up your son's bike with an axe, knowing full well you'll just have to go buy him a new one, remind yourself not to say stuff like, "Next time I find that bike in the driveway I'm going to chop it up with an axe." Remember you always have to follow through with something you tell a kid....be careful what you say.

Don't spend money on something you don't need. If one of your power tools isn't getting the job done to your satisfaction and you want to replace it, just loan it to somebody. You won't get it back and knowing that little trick will put you in a position where you will not only want one, you'll actually need one.

Girls....If you want your man to get off his lazy butt and get that chore he's been putting off done you should remember, I'm a man and I know men so you should try this awesome trick.....Sorry, I really tried to think of one but to tell you the truth, I've got nothing here.

Boys....If your 4x4 is upside down at the bottom of a snow covered hill and you think of a good way to tell your beloved, let me know.

Driving tip: Follow your intuition. When you are out in the mountains and aren't sure your truck will make it up that snow covered hill without chains, after the second time you slide back down with the thing completely out of control don't try and 'hit it' even harder, put on the chains. Third time's the charm works in a bad way sometimes.