Kid Games

I once worked with a real jerk. He always wanted to play those little kid games, the kind of a guy who would sneak up and push you while you were trying to get a drink. Man I hated that guy, you wait in line for ten minutes and just when you're about to score your Bud Lites somebody pushes you? I used to belt him in the arm and holler "Blue one." That was so funny, sometimes there wasn't a blue one at all but I'd do it anyway.

So there we were, grown men, and he would want to share a confidence and ask you to pinky swear. PINKY swear? All real men know that pinky swearing is for girls. It came to the point where you would hide at work just to avoid that creep. Those days used to just drag on, standing there, in that closet, or sitting there under the stairs just waiting for that magic clock on the wall to declare Ollie Ollie Oxen Free. Time to go home.

Home is where I became "king of the hill", my wife always said I got a little too rough with the kids. "They're just small." she didn't understand. I knew they were five and seven and how hard they worked to get to the top but when you're king you have to make a statement. You have to shove them hard enough to make them fall down and roll back down that hill if you want to stay king. That's just how it is. You have to man up once in a while, you don't one potato two potato to decide who's king, that would be childish and stupid.

There is one thing that ultimately defines a person's character. One true indicator that lets us know if integrity is their mainstay, valor their vehicle. If you ever want to know beyond a doubt the true worth of a guy....Jynx you owe me a Coke. I know you were thinking the same thing as me just then. You don't have to say it. If you think it the same time as me and I Jynx you, you still owe me a Coke. Ask your mom, she'll tell you.

Back to integrity. If you want to know if you should follow a person, vote for someone, or even respect someone, simply ask yourself one question. Is that the type of person who would have taken their deads? If they pass that test they are truly someone to befriend.

Driving tip: So you're out in the middle of nowhere, driving like a teenager, kick up a rock and now your gas tank is leaking. Just take a cake of bath soap and rub it back and forth over the leak. Don't have any bath soap? Get some. This is by no means a permanent fix. Bath soap will stop a gasoline leak (until it rains) but a permanent repair should be done immediately.

Disclaimer: I know all teenagers don't drive the way I did. Some of them were responsible competent vehicle operators who were always diligent and respectful of others. I also know the moon is made of cheese.

Girls: When you were a kid and playing war or Cowboys and Indians and got shot you had to lay there for a twenty count. That's called taking your deads. There were always some Donny Don't Dies who would get shot. You knew they were only down for a three count and when you were sneaking by them to get a bead on Billy they would jump up and shoot you in the back, the bastards.