Snappin'

I'm listening to the news and the anchor says, "The Jet Blue attendant was so distraught over the economy and political environment that he snapped, he said certain things on the P.A., grabbed a couple beers, and slid down the escape slide." I don't have the illustrious psychiatric training that reporter obviously does and surely don't want to question his integrity, but a passenger cussed out the attendant and hit him in the head, I think the dude was just pissed off.

After dubious study I found there is a term for such a reaction. It's called the old "grab a beer and hit the slide snap." If you follow my posts you read about a man called Wilbert. After having words with a construction foreman one day he  drove his road scraper (huge piece of equipment) into the swamp, jumped off the thing and started walking back to his truck. Two other workers saw him do that, drove their own scrapers in the swamp and followed him. That is what you call a "Gang snap."

Paul Harvey told a story about a woman who, after some idiot cut her off, rammed the side of the offender's car with her school bus and pushed him ten miles down the highway. The little kids on the bus said she was singing the whole way. We've all been there, the "Traffic snap."

As a second grader I sat with my hands folded in my lap along with thirty one other kids while we watched our teacher walk around the perimeter of the room vomiting. She collapsed at her desk. We didn't move. Mary Johnson broke protocol and went to get the principal. It turns out that Mrs. Haditsky had a heart attack. She recovered and all was well but the point is the thought of facing us for another day gave that woman a heart attack. The dreaded, "I'd rather die than spend another day with these kids snap."

Most snappers tend to be our heroes in a way. That is unless you're the snapee, that's a horse of a different color. Boys like tools, any kind of tool will make you as happy as a boy with a new tool. Girls like clothes. That's why my wife tends to get tool-esque presents for her birthday and I get clothes. One Christmas I experienced first hand the old, "You got me a hot leg waxer for Christmas? snap." I proudly pointed out it was actually a complete leg waxing system. No wane is snap whatsoever.  My buddy was closer but no cigar. You guessed it, the common, "You got me thermal underwear for Christmas?" snap. The two of us never mention those days, that's one of those unspoken bonds all men have. We've all got similar stories.

There are valuable lessons to be learned from the various snappers we encounter. Next time you're flying, check out the beverage cart. If there is only one beer left and you want it.....Don't piss off the attendant, get your wife a shirt for Christmas and remember to take it a little easier on your second grade teacher.

Driving tip: Failing to signal is the number one reason for road rage. How hard is it to signal? If there is someone on the side of the road and it is safe, move over. How hard is it to move your steering wheel an inch? Did you know that reaching up to turn on your signal or moving your steering wheel an inch actually burns part of a calorie? Think of driving courteously as a weight loss program or, for you macho types, a bit of a workout. Remember, when someone cuts you off and then roars down the highway or flies by inches away when you are on the side you never think, "What a huge penis he has." You more likely think, "What a huge penis he is."