Hoot

Be scared, be very afraid, the scariest creatures to roam the earth will be out this weekend in droves. Vile flesh eaters. Entities that try to eat children and devour the elderly. Those people will be gone after Nov 2 but till then we need to try to hide---maybe disguise ourselves. I had a great idea to this end. On Oct 31, I am officially declaring national dress-up like something other than yourself day. It sounds a little far-fetched but I think the idea will catch like wildfire in a warm wind. Wait and see. There will be witches, goblins, Sponge Bob Square Pantses and more than one Transformer. I'll just bet you every city in this great nation will see some sort of result from my declaration. 


When I was in 2nd grade my mom felt much the same as I do now. She got me this great disguise where I wore a mask that looked like an owl face. I had a black one-piece suit with a picture of that scariest of birds on the chest. His eyes were two big circles With an H on one side and a T on the other. It sort of looked like: H eye eye T. People would see me and go Hoot, Hoot. I never understood that. They should have gone HeyeeyeT but, whatever.


By the time I got in fifth grade the mask was gone and that one-piece was a little tight. People would see me and go: "What the hell are you supposed to be?" Keep em confused, that's my motto. I offered to loan that incredible costume to my son who had a party to attend. The ingrate ripped the right side almost off while trying to get it over his 22 year old head and now it just says H eye. Why someone would try to put a one-piece on by pulling it over the head is beyond me but I realized with great enthusiasm that I might still wear it myself, sort of like a shawl now, but wear it I will. I can color the eye in and make it look like an O. Make my statement to those politician types by sporting the initials for: Hang Oppressors. I bet I get a lot of confused looks when I start ringing doorbells with that on my chest. They won't know what HO means. They'll probably think it stands for: Herman O. West who, known as H. O. West, was the co-founder and later owner of a chain of thirty-three department stores in mostly north Louisiana and southern Arkansas. From 1923 until his... Got that off Wiki cause I couldn't think of anything for H O either but that is probably what people will think anyway. Maybe I could get a horse and call it silver and holler H.O. Silver away. 


Mostly I will stay in the shadows and be very afraid because, according to the TV, every two years we are in some really scary times.  


Driving tip: Bonus today, not just a driving but a health and economy tip as well. I call it a threefer. Most people in the United States get way more exercise than they need. That is obvious by their insistence on parking as close to the store entrance as possible. They will burn 5 bucks worth of gas cruising for the best spot rather than walking half a block. 


If you park at the outer edge of a lot you won't get so many door dings (good for paint) you will save gas (not driving for five extra minutes for the good spot) and you will get some exercise (walking an extra hundred yards). The big bonus, I should have called it a fourfer, is that when you back out of your space there won't be a Suburban on your left and a van on your right. You might not bash into someone driving around looking for a good parking spot as quickly if you can see.