GMAO

I read about this study where they took 3 control groups of twenty students. All sixty kids had to throw a given number of free throws with a basketball. The results were recorded and the study began. The first group then had to practice throwing free throws one hour a day for two weeks. The second group was not allowed to touch a basketball but rather concentrate about throwing free throws for an hour a day. The third group was not allowed to touch or think about basketballs. They just ate pizza and played Atari for the two weeks (it was an old test). The pizza group put up the same numbers at the end test as they had at the beginning. The practice group showed, like, a twenty percent improvement. The concentrate group also showed a twenty percent improvement.

Needing to get in better shape, but too lazy to exercise,  I decided, after reading this study, to make an honest effort and think about doing sit-ups and stuff for an hour a day. No improvement!
Coupled with my need to get in shape, is a compulsion to surf the internet. I am going to share an ingenious new concept that will guarantee you to lose weight and get in better physical condition. All you need to do is send me 50 bucks and I will tell you to put your computer at the top of a fifteen foot rope. You have to climb it and can only surf as long as you can hang on. The other thing I will share for an additional twenty dollars is to hook your computer to a tread mill generator. You can only surf if you are running fast enough to generate power.

Once you employ my new techniques for a month or so your friends will begin to post on Facebook how great you look. When they ask your secret you can say, "I exercised. GMAO!!!!!" Only you and I will know that the G stands for Google. You can charge them, like, fifty bucks, to tell them our secret. There are other solutions you might employ such as FBMAO (facebook) or FTMAO (farmtown) or like me, BMAO (blogged). Get creative, Don't send every pitch over the fence like those lazy-assed Yankees. Put them in center-field so you have to do a little running once in a while.

Driving tip: For most driving situations, push your side mirrors out just past the point where you can see the back corner of your car. You still need to head-check, but the side mirror will help to reduce blind spots if it looks a little further out. Don't go crazy and shove it out so far you can't tell if someone is approaching from your right. When you need to back up, toggle the mirror switch in to help you line the back of your car with the space you need to occupy.