Strength Of Youth, Wisdom Of Age

Carol dispatched me to get a supplemental Christmas present for my son and I walked in the store to peruse what was offered. Several people were engaged in a this one's mine, no I want that one, this one has a bad wheel, or I need to put my baby in the carrier, game of shopping cart selection. I sort of smiled at those idiots, I mean, I was getting one item, why does everyone think they need a cart? The toy section was still pretty well stocked and I wandered up and down the aisles waiting for that perfect something to jump off the rack and holler, "Here I am, take me." They had this one doll that promised to actually soil its diaper and there was a truck made out of plastic. Can you imagine, a truck made of plastic? Who would ever buy such a stupid toy.
I came around a corner and all the lights in the city went out, all, except one. This brilliant spotlight focused on the perfect gift for an 8 year old boy. A host of singers formed a semi circle around me and began to ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhhhhh. That song might lose something on paper but it you were there you would agree it was really cool. I caught my breath, it was stunning, I stood there, face to bumper, with a red, 14 horse, go-cart.

That baby had a roll bar and chrome rims, let me say that again, chrome rims. My son threw his crappy bike in the weeds, jumped in the seat and was just pulling that shiny red baby into the dirt lot at the end of our street, his enormous smile contorting his face. The neighborhood kids stood back in awe, some of the girls held there hands to their faces and sighed. The boys dropped their jaws and cried. Some lady bashed into me with her cart and I came back to the store. I slowly reached out and touched one of the tires, they were pneumatic. Let me say that again, they had air in them. I turned the tag over and read, $489.00. I smiled and shook my head. That was only $189.00 more than I paid for the car I was actually driving in those days. Well, it was really 239 more because I still owed the guy fifty bucks, but it would be 189 when I got it paid off.

I threw my crappy Buick in the weeds and was just pulling that shiny red beauty into the parking lot at work. The guys were all stunned, my boss nodded his head in affirmation. Some guy's kid slammed into me when he came around the corner too fast and I was back in the store. Why do people let their kids run in stores? I grabbed a 110 lb junior bar bell set and headed for the registers. It was only twenty dollars and, when my son got done working out with that baby, no bully was going to kick sand in his face while he sat on a beach with some blonde haired chick. You would need to have read comic books back in the sixties to understand my thinking but old people know what I'm talking about.

I was about twenty third in line,(see older post-7-7-10) the guy in front of me had a cart with like--two items in it. Some people. I held my 110 pound junior bar bell set in my right hand and thought what an idiot he was but I guessed everyone can't be as young and strong as me. Ten minutes later the old lady in front, with the seven bags of purchases in her cart, walked toward the door. I switched my barbell set to my left hand. The next puke in line had to write out a check. I waited another five minutes and switched my son's gift to my right. After the next three people were finished I stood there holding that box with both hands. I was growing a little impatient, the guy in front of me was humming jingle bells. Fifteen more minutes and I began to hallucinate. Some idiot was humming jingle bells and everyone on earth had coupons and check books. I stood there with one knee cocked to rest part of my burden on my leg and when I finally reached the till I had a startling revelation. I could not lift that damn weight set up to the counter. What a dumb gift a bar bell set is anyhow, who would ever want to give something like that for a present? I figured, if I stand it on the floor and grab it low with both arms, give a mighty heave, then maybe...The lady behind helped me get it to the counter but I could hardly lift my pen to write out my check (The numbers came out all funny looking).

Carol and I were at the supermarket the other day to grab some sour cream and were nearly to the back when she said we needed some milk. I turned and started walking toward the front. "Where you going?" I rolled my eyes and couldn't believe she could be so naive. "To get a cart."

Driving tip: All summer you took the time to put the foldy visor under your windshield to keep the sun off your car's interior. If you live where it snows, begin throwing a small blanket over your driver's seat. In the morning when you open the car door and fresh snow blows in all over the seat, you will brush it off, but you won't get it all. You can bet your wet butt that you will wish you had paid attention when I said put a throw over your driver's seat. You could have just shaken it out, tossed it in the back and been on your dry, merry way.