Seventh Grade

Whenever I do something stupid it isn't the least bit funny. Odd, how when anyone else does something stupid it tends to be hilarious. That time when I was in seventh grade for instance. Our sadistic teacher would occasionally make us humiliate ourselves. I'm sure it was solely for his personal satisfaction and one day, I'm going to pound him for it. He's probably seventy or better now so in another ten years or so I think I may just look him up.

The game was "honey if you love me smile". The idea was, some lowly kid would be chosen to approach another poor soul of the opposite gender and repeat that ridiculous phrase 3 times. If the victim smiled then absolution could be obtained by following the original purveyor around the perimeter of the room and back to her desk while chanting, "honey if you love me smile." If she smiled you were off the hook. If not, she was allowed to sit down and you had to approach another.

Her name was Darcy, she was beautiful, I smiled on the second "honey" and began following her and dutifully repeating the phrase. There were several giggles popping up around the room. She kept going, obviously without a smile. I kept chanting. The room eventually broke into a thunderous uproar of laughter. Spurred by my embarrassment and genetic need to win, I kept chasing her and demanding a smile. She made it to her desk. I was a loser, everyone was crying with laughter. On my way back toward my own desk somebody pointed out that my fly was open. My fly was open and my shirt tail was hanging out. Do you get that? Go put on a button up shirt, open the fly of your jeans, pull one side of that shirt tail out your fly and stand in front of a mirror saying "Honey if you love me smile." Can you imagine how I must have felt?
You can bet your last dollar that if I ever get a time machine and am able to go back to that day, you can bet that when I get ready for school that morning, I'm going to put on a longer shirt.

Driving tip: If you can't remember when was the last time you figured out exactly when you will arrive at your destination........You're too tired to drive. Get off the road and get a little bit comfortable. Sleep! If you get a little bit comfortable you'll sleep for a half hour or so, wake up with a stiff neck or shoulder but be alive and refreshed. If you get real comfortable you'll sleep several hours and wake up late and pissed at me for making you stop. You'll be alive, the world will keep turning, but you'll be mad at me. Being mad at someone also tends to wake you up. So I'll take the hit for your sake.