Tips

I decided to put some new sod down in my backyard. Carol just happened to be standing there, hands on hips, stern (This is it buster!) look on her face and, out of nowhere, I declared I was going to do that project. That is part of why she loves me. She never has to say anything (she does but she doesn't have too)and somehow I just know what she's thinking.

When I got to the nursery I pulled right up to the pallets of sod and told the guy I was going to get twenty dollars worth. Twenty dollars will get you fourteen pieces of 24 by 18 inch sod. I know that sounds like a lot for one guy to handle but I'm still as strong and ambitious as I ever was and, you can ask anybody, when I begin a project I am nose to the grindstone till that baby is done. (I've only been working on Carol's new bathroom for four years and that thing is coming along great.)

Anyhow, I gave the guy a two dollar tip for his troubles and walked inside to pay the cashier. When I got back to my truck he told me he went ahead and threw twenty pieces in the back. What a great guy. That's the thing about tips. You always get back way more than you spend. Not always in extra sod, but when you throw a buck at the girl at the taco stand window she just lights up, I mean really gets excited, and tells you she has been working there a year and this is her first tip. When that happens you feel great and a little pissed. You just made someone's whole day for a dollar and you wonder why other people don't do that too. You ponder awhile and realize that tipping a working man, or woman, kind of makes your own whole day. What a deal.

So I got my sod and headed back to the house, it was a perfect day for laying sod. I jumped out, grabbed four pieces (sod is heavy but I can handle it) and carried them to my back yard. I laid them out, stamped them down, admired my skill and expertise at sod laying, and walked back to my truck. I got three pieces, Its not like I have to prove what a man I am by carrying four, and marched back to the back yard again. I placed them, tamped them down and walked back to the truck. I grabbed two pieces, I'm not too lazy to make a couple extra trips, and walked towards the back. I stopped halfway to check out some odd looking grass by the drier vent, but just for a second, and continued on. By the time I knocked out those two I figured I deserved a break. Carol had a tall glass of ice water waiting and I began again all refreshed. I grabbed another piece of sod and threw it over my shoulder, marched back to the yard and dropped it on the ground.

After I fired up my air compressor and filled up the tire on my wheelbarrow I slid five pieces into the basket, grabbed the handles and shoved it to the back yard. Its funny, but those pieces seemed a lot heavier than the first ones, they must have gotten wet or something. I got the first two placed but felt a little twinge in my back when I lifted the third one. I got to thinking that that guy at the nursery might have been setting me up. Maybe he knew that fourteen was just right and twenty was a bit to much for one guy.

I got back to the truck and slid three off the gate and into the basket. One missed and fell on the ground. No problem, I'd get it later. I figured out that, if you tip your wheelbarrow over, you can slide pieces out without having to lift them. One more trip to the truck and the last two landed in the basket. Halfway to the back yard I stopped to ponder what a jerk that guy at the nursery was. I was dying in that heat and I gave that lope a two dollar tip. What a joke!
I slid the last two pieces into place and resolved that tipping people is stupid. You should never tip someone, they just screw you.

Carol raved about what a great job I'd done and took me to a burger joint to get lunch and celebrate. She drove, I was a little weak to be steering and stuff. When the girl gave us our food Carol gave her a ten dollar bill and told her to keep the change. That little girl smiled big, turned, showed her buds what a treat she had just gotten, and literally skipped to the back. Carol beamed at how easy it was to make someone's day. I was thinking about how I could get even with that jerk at the nursery and deciding that maybe tomorrow I might get that piece of sod out of the driveway.

Driving Tip: If you park your car when it's snowing you should leave the wipers running. When they are at the top (facing up and down) turn off the key. When you return they're less likely to be frozen to the glass and, after you scrape off that three by five inch area of windshield so you can see well enough to safely drive till the defrosters melt the rest of the ice so your un-stuck wipers can clear the whole windshield, you can go.