Anal Leakage

Did you ever noti e how some writers will do anything to get you to look at their offering? When I de ided to tell a story about a  anal leaking I fired up my  omputer but had to pause when I noti ed a headline stating, "Dog Eats Man." Wait a minute! The   letter isn't working on my  omputer. A little soap and water, a quick blow dry, a fast trip to my lo al  omp USA store and...ccccc. O.K.

Boy, this sure beats talking about some dumb canal leaking. The Dog Eats Man writer probably had a problem with his keyboard too. Maybe it should have read, "Dog Beats Man" or "Dog Treats Man" or, maybe it was a story about a golf shoe wearing dog that stepped on the guy's foot. "Dog Cleats Man." I actually read the story and found no mystery whatsoever. Some dog ate some guy. Big deal. I was all set to sleuth out and solve a great teaser but no such luck. A dog eats a guy? What a letdown.

Today there was a headline that read, "Arkansas Man in Shootout with Toy Gun." Don't get all excited. The guy wasn't in some altercation against a possessed toy gun running around all willy-nilly causing havoc, no Steven King type story here. The fella actually had a shootout with police. They didn't know his gun was a toy and shot seven real bullets at him. Luckily all seven rounds missed and the guy might now get some help with his mental problems. Luckily there weren't a lot of people wandering around in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Can you imagine that headline? "Wal-Mart Shoppers Gunned Down by Bullets Intended for Toy Gun Bearer." They would have had to put such a line in real small font to get it to fit causing them to lose all the effectiveness of three inch type. People might quit buying newspapers and the whole industry could find itself on a downward spiral. And what if their M key wasn't working. We, the public, would be left to chatter around the water cooler about some poor wall art shoppers mowed down in their prime. My wife loves wall art. Can you imagine how sad Saturday would be if Carol wanted new wall art and I refused to go, muttering something about how many lives have been lost simply due to wall art lust? She rarely reads the paper. She wouldn't get it at all. She would buy golf shoes for our dog just to teach me a lesson. (The little scamp loves to step on my feet.)

I guess it all boils down to being careful about first impressions. Remember Edwin Rolfe's famous quote, "Never judge a book by its  over."


Driving tip:  If you intend to take a road trip take some water, some snacks and, if your snack choice includes Max potato chips by Frito Lay, bring some tissue.