Monday, June 28, 2010

Batteries Continued

I wanted to tell you about Wilbert. I'm not sure about his age but he retired a long time ago. He's kind of old school, by that I mean if you messed up he just might boot you in the ass, sometimes that's better than explaining stuff. It's definitely easier, and it works. You won't do that again (not around him anyway) He spent most of his career as a heavy equipment operator. When I met him he was teaching those little pecker heads (an endearment he used to call the Job Corps students under his wing) how to build stuff and how to be a man. He was good at it. Fast forward twenty or so years and there he was standing on that porch. When he saw us he turned to Loraine and demanded "Where are my new batteries?" I don't think he intimidated her near as much as he did me or those kids he'd taught. When she asked what he was talking about. He scowled "My new hearing aid batteries, I don't want to miss any of his stories."


Maybe the single greatest compliment I ever got.


When you get affirmation from someone you respect and admire it means a lot. So now I've started this blog and I'm writing a book. I sometimes have a little doubt about my ability to communicate my thoughts but when I do I know I'm wrong. Wilbert as much as said so. It's kind of cool to have a platform like this to let people know about somebody that effected you, even if it's a crotchety old guy like my friend Wilbert. Maybe I'll go out and find some young whipper snapper to compliment. Maybe I should just give em a boot in the ass.


Driving tip: If your not sure if that fog or rain is freezing on the road ahead, don't trust your thermometer. Open your window, reach out and feel the back of the mirror on your door. If it's wet then be careful. If it's got ice on it be really really careful.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Batteries

I decided to start this project at the behest of my wife and a whole lot of other people. You see, I'm a bit of a story teller. Its true that I have logged over three million miles in a big truck, (I'm not one of those, more later) hence the driving tips portion. But a testimony to my story telling skills came one time when Carol and I were at a niece's wedding. These people weren't blood relatives but you know how that is....sometimes blood gets messy.
We traveled 800 miles for the event and arrived just after dark. When we pulled up in their drive there was a dozen or so big people standing around in the yard or on the porch and scads (scads is an old people word it means beaucoup) of little people, as is their nature, were all over the place.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and if you want to believe that then fine but I think the reality is that absence makes the memory grow dimmer. I see my wife every day and she has no trouble instantly recalling each and every negative thing I've ever done. Judging by the hugs and smiles we were getting, it was obvious these people had no recollection of the, no doubt, multiple heinous acts I've commited against them. Anyhow, Wilbert and his wife were standing on the porch..... [out of room, more tomorrow]

Thursday, June 24, 2010

shut em down

If you're a guy and almost any girl gets in your face you simply need to smile and say "When is that baby due?" She will never speak to you again. In a few days her close friends will never speak to you. In a week or two most any girl will never speak to you.
You will lead a lonely life but rewards will come when your buds slap you on the back and say "You sure got her!"
If you're a girl things get a little more involved. If the fellow looks older than you, laugh and say "I wish my dad were more like you." If the same age or younger, fondly say: "You're just like my little brother." Your life won't get lonely, just minus the jerk you wanted to get rid of.

Driving tip: When you head out across the desert or up that mountain pulling that trailer with everything you own in the back and your rig starts to overheat, try turning off the AC and turning on the heater. The heater is actually a small radiator. You might be fairly uncomfortable but I always figure uncomfortable riding is better than uncomfortrable walking.